Agents of the PPC: Badfic Writers Meet Their Doom
by The Rose Twins
Summary: Yet another PPC Team has joined the fight. Meet twin Agents as they journey through fanfic, fighting for truth, good writing and all things Canon. Used with permission from Jay and Acacia.
1. Meet the Agents

_Disclaimer: PPC belongs to Jay and Acacia. If the missions are based off stories on we will give proper credit to the writers, although that may be a mixed blessing.  
Summary: Mary-Sues and bad writers have taken over all that is good and holy in fanfiction. Yet some still fight for Plot and Loyalty To Canon. They are the PPC. Fanwriters Beware.

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**Meet the Agents**

In the beginning, the world of Fanfiction was pure, when writers knew what they were doing and were true to Canon and Characterization. Then Darkness fell.

Movies were made, and fan brats with no interest in Canon invaded the world of Fanfiction. Plausible Plotlines became Legend. Characterization became Myth. Many writing aspects, which should never be forgotten, were lost, for outnumbered were those who remembered them.

It was around this time that two women decided that enough was enough, and someone needed to do something about the pollution of badfic. With this attitude firmly in mind, Agents Jay and Acacia came up with the idea of the PPC.

The Protectors of the Plot Continuum.

It was a mission to eradicate bad Fanfiction and stamp out the Plague of Mary-Sues. Eventually, word of this ongoing heroic mission spread, and many other writers flocked to their cause. Finally, it reached the ears of a young woman, who had been lamenting the sad decline of Fanfiction, despite all her efforts to prevent it.

Upon hearing of the PPC, her heart was filled with hope, and she ran to inform her twin sister of this wonderful development. After a short discussion, it was decided that they would apply to join the fight against badfic, and so a new team was formed, and the ones collectively called the Winter Twins set out on their new quest.

* * *

Newly Inducted Agent Natasja quietly closed the door to the Sunflower Official's office and stared at her twin, who took her hand and guided her away. Natasja was generally very flexible, but a telepathic giant sunflower was now added to the short list of things that startled her. Hand in hand, the two girls started walking down the corridor, carefully _not_ thinking of how to find their Response Center.

Sneaking a glance at her shell-shocked twin, Sally hid a smirk. It was a rare occasion to see Natasja like this, and therefore worthy of amusement. "So, we now work for an extended group of sentient vegetarians."

At the age of eight, Natasja had come across the word 'vegetation', but accidentally pronounced it wrong. Despite the fact that this was well over a decade ago, those who had heard the story refused to let it die, and it was a guaranteed way of getting Natasja's attention. Sure enough, the older twin snapped out of her daze and glared. "Am I ever going to live that down?"

Any opportunity to reply was fortunately lost as the two arrived at their response center. With a final glare, Natasja opened the door and walked in. Sally rolled her eyes and followed, thinking that her twin really did take herself far too seriously at times.

Inside RC 2415, the twins looked around. It was a standard office, with a console, two chairs and a table, and a bookcase and DVD rack for Books and Movies relevant to missions and occasional recreation.

Wandering around the room, Sally opened a cupboard, her face lighting up like a Christmas tree. "Ooh, Nat, come look at this!"

Looking up from the bookshelves, Natasja walked over. The cupboard was labeled 'Mission Supplies' and contained a wide variety of weapons. A slow and distinctly terrifying smile made its way onto the older twin's face. "Oh my."

Sally's grin matched her own. Suddenly, she was looking forward to their first mission.

Back in Real Life, several people looked up from computers and notebooks as a sudden chill swept over them. Mary-Sue writers and the Canon ignorant shivered at an unknown, but well-founded fear.

Be afraid. Be_ very_ afraid.

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_A/N: We asked Jay and Acacia, and they said we could join the fight. The first mission should be completed soon._

_Signed: The Rose Twins_


	2. The First Mission

_Disclaimer: PPC belongs to Jay and Acacia. If the missions are based off stories on we will give proper credit to the writers, although that may be a mixed blessing.  
Summary: Mary-Sues and bad writers have taken over all that is good and holy in fanfiction. Yet some still fight for Plot and Loyalty To Canon. They are the PPC. Fanwriters Beware._

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The First Mission.

The Missing Queens.

In RC 2415 at the PPC Headquarters, a pair of identical twins was sitting quietly, waiting for their first mission.

Both had auburn hair and green eyes, with a healthy dose of freckles. On the taller side, both were dressed in the standard black of PPC agents, and both currently had their noses buried in books. A quiet sniffle from the first dragged the second's attention away from _Elizabeth I: Rose of the House of Tudor_. Seeing her sister's expression and position in the hardback copy of _Prince Caspian_, Sally rolled her eyes and wondered how her sister got so emotional over these things. "You've read those books _how_ many times and you still get worked up over them?"

Natasja looked up. "I've lost count. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with being emotional over a good –".

She was cut off and nearly fell out of her chair when the console started screeching. Sally was off the fold-out couch and over to the console in a heartbeat. She looked eagerly at the screen, and then winced. "Chronicles of Narnia fic. Self-Insert, by the look of things."

Natasja's eyes narrowed as she picked herself up. A precocious reader, she had read _The Horse and His Boy_ (admittedly with some help) in Kindergarten, and had promptly become addicted to the series. Unless they were _very_ well written, with a plausible excuse, Self-Inserts in any fandom got on her nerves. Violations of Chronicles of Narnia Canon were met with a slow and painful Death.

Natasja walked over to set the Portal as Sally chose the weapons. "Dryads all right with you, Sal?"

Sally nodded. "Axes are out, I suppose. Bow and Arrows?"

Natasja sent her a Look at the idea of tree spirits carrying axes, and then nodded at the idea of bows and arrows. "Lets go."

_

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And it came to be that during the time of the Horse and His Boy, two daughters of Eve came to Narnia. One of power and one of grace: two of beauty. They were found wandering the Shuddering Wood and brought to the castle of the four rulers

_._

_Queen Susan was there at the castle when they arrived while Peter was fighting the giants and King Edmund and Queen Lucy were in Archenland. The two girls were brought before the beautiful Queen._

_Amy and Marybeth, of Mary, stood before the four thrones. Three empty, one holding the gentle Queen._

Un-noticed by the Narnian court and the two interlopers, the air behind the four thrones shimmered and two dryads stumbled out. One was a birch, slender and silvery, in the form of a young girl. The other was a stately beech, a Lady of the Woods. Both looked very unhappy about something.

The beech sighed. "Not to be prejudiced, but are nearly all of the pretentious fan-brat Mary-Sue/Self-Inserts from America, or is it just my imagination? Why can't we ever see one from Taiwan or something?"

The birch took a closer look at the words. "These two are from Canada. That's sort of breaking the mold. Wait, 'Marybeth, _of_ Mary'? Shouldn't that be '_or_ Mary', or at least '_of _Maryland' or something?"

Natasja, currently disguised as the Beech Dryad, let out a derisive noise, but turned back to the fic as Queen Susan asked if they had come by way of the Wardrobe.

_No Queen Susan, we come by a puddle. As random and unexplainable as your way here." Amy answered._

Could Dryads snarl? The Beech was certainly doing a good impression. "Did this idiot even pick up _The Magician's Nephew_? The Wardrobe has very clear connections to Narnia, and every one of the books shows that the Crossing, for lack of a better term, occurs with some connection! Children are only called during times of disturbance, as clearly stated in _The Last Battle_! It is not as random as falling into a puddle!"

Natasja paused to take a deep breath as Queen Susan told the newcomers that her siblings were away fighting in battle, but they were welcome to stay and led them to their rooms. Sally patted her arm in consolation; this was going to be a very long mission. "It gets worse, I'm afraid. You'd think Susan would be a little more concerned about her sister and brothers, as opposed to a pair of random girls who just show up out of nowhere. Do we even need that Analysis Device you brought?"

Natasja gave her a quizzical look. "I hope not, because I thought you had it. At least we get a hint of what part of _The Horse and His Boy_ we are in. King Peter is away fighting the Giants and Edmund and Lucy are in Archenland. That puts us around the time of the Calormen invasion of Archenland. Did you want to write the charge list, or will I?"

* * *

Queen Susan led the 'Sues into a comfortably furnished room, the Agents sneaking in behind them. Sally wordlessly handed her sister a notepad as Susan left and the two Sues sat down, promptly starting to complain about their lives back on earth.

"_I'd love to stay in Narnia, its so much better than back there."_

"_yeah, but what about Mike. God knows I can't leave him alone I wouldn't wish my parents on anyone._

Natasja closed her eyes, restraining herself from smashing a nearby and quite pretty sculpture. Instead, she started writing charges, of which there were many. "Stupid and non-Canon method of entering Narnia, improper use of punctuation, incorrect naming of Canon locations, to whit: Cair Paravel. Random mention of tragic pasts, being a Mary-Sue, can't forget that…"

Sally smirked; Natasja was back with a vengeance. She returned to the Words. "Oh, by the Lion's Mane! Are they serious?"

At her sister's words, Natasja looked up and accidentally snapped the quill in her hand. Sally moved out of the line of fire.

_I know, but I'm sure aslan will send you back if you ask him, then return you both once you're out of that hell hole."_

Sally carefully eased the parchment out of her twin's frozen hands, producing her own quill. "Making Aslan into some kind of messenger. I know he is supposed to represent Jesus, and Jesus brought a message of peace etc., but come on!"

Susan came back into the room and the 'Sues insisted that she let them give her a make-over, promptly forgetting their angsty conversation of less than a minute ago. Sally chanced a look at her sister, who looked ready to kill someone. "Susan is beautiful enough to have kings and princes asking for her hand, a spurned suitor is currently fighting a war over her and these idiots think that their version of a make-over is going to do anything for her?"

Natasja grabbed the Charge List back and quickly scanned it. "I think we have enough charges for a kill, don't you? Even if we don't, I'm charging them anyway and getting out of this thing five minutes early."

Sally raised an eyebrow skeptically. "You think it'll take that long to rack up enough charges? I think we can kill them now and get away with it, and I won't tell the Flowers if you don't. Ooh, here's a good part!"

_Susan had left the room to fetch her accessories __for the make-over, hoping that Amy and Marybeth wouldn't find something better to do before she got back. The two teens leaned back on there throne-like couches. "I just hope we can get Susan's make-over done before Aslan calls us home. Do you think itll be soon?"_

Both of the Mary-Sues jumped as two dryads seemed to appear out of thin air. The birch dryad gave them a very menacing smile. "Sooner than you think, I am very glad to say. You do realize that Aslan calling someone home implies that they are about to die, yes?"

Amy-Sue looked indignant. "We can't die! We haven't met Edmund and Peter yet! If we die then they'll pine away for us! Besides, no one ever dies in Narnia!"

The beech dryad rolled her eyes. "Correction: No one ever dies in the True Narnia that we see in the final chapters of _The Last Battle_. Both Aslan and the White Witch die in _The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe_, even if Aslan does come back to life. People did die in the various battles throughout the books. Beside the point, though." She cleared her throat, "We are agents Sally and Natasja of the PPC. We are here to kill you for crimes against the Chronicles of Narnia Canon."

Marybeth-Sue had a slightly stronger grip on reality, and seemed to notice that she and her counterpart were in very real danger. "But you still can't kill us! You don't have any proof that we've done anything!"

The birch dryad looked annoyed. "We're just getting to that. Ahem. Amy and Marybeth, you are charged with the following crimes against Canon: Stupid and non-Canon method of entering Narnia, improper use of punctuation, incorrect naming of Canon locations, to whit: Cair Paravel. Random mention of tragic pasts, making Aslan into some kind of messenger; He's part of the closest thing Narnians have to a religion, as you obviously haven't noticed. Also of there/their errors, bad spelling, bad writing, bad grammar, being a Mary-Sue and annoying PPC Agents."

The birch dryad paused for breath, letting the beech dryad finish. "The punishment for these crimes, I am very glad to say, is death. You have no rights and no chance of appeal. Good-bye."

The Mary-Sues, who had been simply gaping at the two Agents, regained their senses and bolted for the door. Neither of them made it before being hit by arrows and exploding in a shower of Mary-Sue-glitter. Exchanging a decidedly smug look, the twin Agents opened a portal back to Headquarters.

* * *

Stepping back into their response center, Natasja shimmered from a stately dryad back into her normal auburn-haired self, closely followed by Sally, who walked straight back to the couch and her book. "Who gets to do the paperwork? My writing isn't that legible, and you can type faster than I can."

Natasja raised an eyebrow. "This is why you have a dictation feature on your laptop. We'll take report writing in turns, so you get stuck with the next one."

The older (by two minutes) Agent retrieved her own laptop, and the room descended into a comfortable quiet, broken only by the turning of pages and the tap of computer keys.

_._

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_._

_._

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_This Mission is based off the story '**The Missing Queens**' in the C.S. Lewis catagory. The author changes her name on average of about once a week, but she was **Amy and Marybeth** when the Mission was written._

_Anyway, the first mission is completed, and we are off to recover from the trauma. If anyone is interested in joining the team, please e-mail or PM us at the address on our profile._


End file.
